I've ALWAYS been interested in the Sacred.
Back in the early days, I didn't know it was called the Sacred. I was simply supremely interested in all things unseen.
This was coupled with a mammoth longing "to go home". I didn't know where "home" was, I only knew, I wasn't there, and I missed it terribly.
There is a welsh word called Hiraeth, that describes the kind of longing for home which I used to experience.
Hiraeth is a Cymraeg (Welsh) word which doesn't translate well into English. It is a deep longing of the Soul for home. A nostalgia for a place that you cannot return to, or that never was.
I used to think it was like being adopted, and not living with your real family. (Apologies, if you were adopted, and your experience was in any way different from this - everyone experiences things differently, this is my experience).
I used to wake in the morning and my very first thought was," I want to go home, I'm not home". Keep in mind that I was about 6 years old at this point.
It was a very sad way to live, and I was very lonely inside - unbearably lonely.
I was also very confused, I didn't understand it, and I figured I must have been adopted and that no-one had told me. Lol.
During this time, my mum who was an avid reader, as was I. Reading was encouraged in my home, and became my utter solace for all of my childhood (but that's a story for another day).
So, meanwhile, my mum had a number of books on the shelf about life after death, particularly Doris Stokes books (I LOVED Doris). I used to read them, devour them, I used to long to be able to communicate with the deceased too. I was convinced if I could talk to people who were unseen but there all the time, that I would never be lonely again!! - I was only about 7 at this time. So non-judgement please.
and so the journey began . . . into everything unseen, and then mystical....
I explored it all. I was reading tarot cards by aged 8 for friends at school.
And continued to read professionally for a few years in my late teens and early twenties too. I lost the need for cards.
I learnt how to just "know" without even trying. In fact "knowing" was a pain. I didn't want to know.
I saw peoples stuff, their blockages, fears, insecurities and doubts. I also saw their dreams and desires too. But more their stuff. Bah. It became a real burden over time.
Any way, as with everyones story, there is a lot more to tell about this journey. However suffice to say I progressed to angels and the like for a while, and began to think about 'going to the top".
I mean, I figured, why mess about with angels and dead people, when you can go to God himself? (herself etc, put your own here).
I had been bought up in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday when I was very young, and felt Jesus was pretty cool. I had some incredible experiences during my teen age years regarding this, but hey, ho, that is another story too. I'm trying to get to the sacred part!
All the while I was still feeling lost, and "different" - that's putting it mildly.
in my early twenties, I discovered a "healing centre", a place for all things alternative pertaining to healing. I loved it, I had Reiki, and just about every other type of healing. Got really into Kinesiology, you name it. This centre also ran courses, workshops, talks and programmes, of which I attended anything I could.
I did Reiki through to my Masters in two different initiations. The more I experienced, the Divine or God, the more of course I experienced the Sacred.
I got into meditation, which led me to the Divine Mother. Boy oh boy, that was it. I felt like i'd come home AT LAST!
Divine Mother
I lapped it up. I went and spent many, many days with Amma, every year. I went to Lourdes in the midst of winter and sat in the grotto in the middle of the night in the FREEZING cold for HOURS at a time (I mean cold).
I was IN LOVE with the DVINE MOTHER. - I mean in LOVE. I went and sat with Mother Meera, whenever I could.
My experience of Mary - Mother of Jesus was the greatest. She felt incredible. So much love, so much power, and SO MUCH PURITY. She would appear (in my mind's eye) to me. She would talk to me, she would guide me, and she would love me. I felt LOVED.
SHE WAS SACRED - in ways I had never seen on the earth. I had been to so many sacred groups, even Amma which was incredibly sacred, but nothing like this.
Sacred Wells and Land
I began to seek out sacred sites, as these were the only thing that somewhat matched the feeling I experienced with Mary.
I found Chalice Well Gardens, and it became my second home. I even had my wedding Blessing there.
Sacred wells were my thing. I also discovered the Island of Anglesey, another place where I felt a belonging, and a deep euphoric joy. I could feel the spiritual heart beat of the place, and interestingly I discovered later, that Anglesey means Mother of Wales. Of course!
I had an incredible connection with the land, I had grown up in the Brecon Beacons of Wales. I was in love with mountains. They too felt like Mary. I could feel their heart beat. The steady, boom, boom, boom, forever breathing and pulsating. I lived in North Wales about 45 minutes from Snowdon, and went up there, a lot on my own. I loved to put my feet on her, and put my hands on the rock. I t calmed, me centred me. Bought me home. Just me and my beloved companion, Sammy the dog. Some of you will remember Sammy and his faithful ness. He sat at the feet of everyone who came for healing. He was wonderful, and lived to the grand old age of 16. He's now tiptoeing in the daffodils of my garden.
I was a sacred junkie, I scrambled through brambles to get to sacred wells, and earth spots.
I had altars in every room of my house, I loved purity. Which was a huge challenge as humans currently live a far from sacred life.
The odd thing is that I never fully left the world, I mean I could have become a nun, or gone and lived in an ashram, this would have been much easier. For some reason, I felt not to do this. I still felt to keep one foot in the world. I barely did though. My idea of being in the world, was a lot different than anyone else I knew. But I never went and lived in a ashram, or convent. Though I wished I could at times.
This was really hard for me, as no-one seemed to value the power of the sacred as much as I did. and I was back to feeling lonely again. But this time, I had my connection so it was bearable, though I was in my twenties at this point.
I also discovered the Interfaith Seminary too. I again found this difficult because it didn't feel any where near as holy as what I was experiencing privately (how could it really). I persevered though and was ordained two years later.
My full time work by this time was working as an intuitive and a healer. As my connection to the Divine increased, the more my natural inherent healing abilities grew. I gave up Reiki, I felt led to simply radiate, emit, Be ..I didn't see the point of laying on hands.
I had trained with the Brahma Kumaris along the way, they really helped me to meditate and they really got the purity thing which was nice, but yet again, I felt I didn't belong there, and one day I knew I must leave.
Back to the alone path..
I was immersed in the feminine, everything feminine, you may well still be with me from this time! - My connection with sacred wells, was the feminine, as water to me felt feminine.
Mother Earth - All feminine.
Then one day, came the next chapter, a bombshell as far as I was concerned.
Mary said to me;
”go to my son".
What?
Jesus?
"Go to my Son"
No way,
I want to be with you . . .
I was devastated.
I felt I had to leave the one thing that felt home, I cried and cried and cried.. and then cried some more . . .
but of course, I went! ....
and I learnt about the masculine! - Another story again.
I became about the sacred full stop. Neither feminine nor masculine. (Ok I may have a smidge of a leaning to the feminine...shhhh).
I threw myself into the world of Christianity. Wow what an eye opener that was. I learnt so much and studied Jesus and the Bible, and Holy Spirit extensively. I let go of the teachings, and healings I was doing, and became a fully fledged Christian. I started going to Church again.
BUT.
Yet again, I felt I didn't fit. The people at church weren't experiencing the sacred like I was, I would sob in the Divine Presence, fall to my knees, I was drowning in the power of the holy. They weren't!
Don't get me wrong, I know that there are some amazing churches out there, where people are SO DEVOTED and really experiencing the power of God, Jesus etc.
FOR ME . . .they weren't like me! - I felt I didn't belong there at all. I only felt I belonged in EMPTY churches.
I LOVE empty churches. and you will often find me sitting in one!
and eventually?
I knew I had to forge my own path again, but this time take Jesus with me, and the Bible and the Spirit, and the many other Truth's I had learnt all about.
But I had to leave and follow my own path...again.
By this time, I was in my forties, twenty years had passed. Wow! - I had not had children for various reasons, which I am still sad about, but my path always led me in a different direction.
Time for my new chapter . . .
Which was the power of our thoughts and words, and our mind.... we are told to "renew our minds", and this was what was coming next for me - yikes.
I won't talk about that now, as I am still endeavouring to describe some of my experiences with the sacred for you.
My life has been the path of the sacred and still continues to be. I have been reshaped and remoulded many, many times, and still continue to grow and expand ever onwards...
The sacred for me has been an invisible thread guiding me and pulling me forwards, deeper and deeper. Calling me, whispering, insistent, and never really quiet.
The Sacred? - I value To to an extent, I understand it (compared to most). It has been my obsession in the past, and now it is like a friendly well-worn shoe or slipper.
Am I qualified to guide you into the sacred?
Not really, however I do have twenty plus years of experience (at least - but who's counting).
And I do have a little bit of a gift to help you awaken to the sacred within you and without of you. For of course we are ALL sacred.
I believe we all long for the sacred. I believe the home I was seeking was inside me, and I now have found it. I no longer yearn for home, that thankfully stopped years ago, when I found home inside myself.
I also learnt about the sacred-ness of happiness and joy too. Remember that scripture "the joy of the Lord is my strength"? I used to think what the heck does that really mean? I mean I got it intellectuall. Instinctively I wanted to dive deeper, and so I did. I discovered true Joy, and the strength it brings.
This is one of the subjects I talk about a lot, because I know it is a fundamental Truth of who we are.
Jesus said, The Truth will set you free. My experience is that is indeed true. I feel freer now than I have ever felt.
Is my life perfect on the outside? No, far from it. There are lots of things I am "working on". However I can say, I know what it is to feel the deepest and greatest joy on a daily basis, and I know that Joy is indeed a strength and incredibly sacred.
I'm not a millionaire (yet ) as money was not something I ever chased on this path.
I was a sacred chaser. I wanted the sacred, I wanted to walk in the sacred, know the sacred intimately, and so I followed . . . .
This my dear lovely one, is why I guide (mainly women - remember my leaning to the feminine . . ) people to the sacred and sacred experiences. Yes if you are a man, you can come too. I'm all for balance, so this is not just for women. It just tends to be more women... go figure :)
Is there one path? No I don't think so, I've travelled too many.
You know, the Seminary say. "Many ways, one Truth," and I believe that is probably right, but who knows, none of us really know...
I will continue to hang out in the sacred, because it is where I like to be.
I invite you to come along too, if you feel drawn to.
With massive love and Grace from one who likes to touch the sacred with her toe or her hand occasionally, and sometimes I still just throw myself right in.
But you don't have to.
You can delicately sit by the waters of the sacred if you like, that's fine with me.
You can stay in the world, live your life, go to the gym, eat cake, go to a party, still do these things if you like . . . and feel the fragrance of the sacred on your cheeks on a frosty morning or on a spring day.
Dabble if you like, find your own way. I would never encourage anyone to make it their life unless they really, really felt they had no choice. I fall in to the category of the latter.
P.S Does that mean I always wear white, meditate for 20 hours a day, never drink a glass of champagne, and don't go to parties or drink coffee?
No! - Yes I like to wear white but mostly I just wear normal colours, I don't wear black however as the vibration doesn't fit me. I do like a glass of champagne or wine, I very rarely go to parties, ha, ha they are not sacred enough for me... sorry. I could be persuaded if there is a holy place tucked away in the cloakroom somewhere.. I do get up at about 5.30 am and soak in the sacred for at least a couple of hours. This is my favourite time of the day. And after a few years of religiously (ha) not drinking coffee. I now do again. Organic though, with coconut milk.
You don't have to do the same as me. You can do 15 minutes twice a day. - unless you want more . . .
Am I grounded? - Not always, but I value being grounded massively.
I'm not into woo woo, la,la.
I don't EVER take you into fluffy clouds to connect. EVER
That's not my way at all.
I'm all about Heaven ON earth.
Here and now.
Heaven ON Earth.
And i'm passionate about the earth. I don't worship the earth. I get where druids etc, are coming from for sure.
I don't worship the earth. I am however devoted to the One who created her.
If you feel drawn to discover a bit more, then listen to my PODCAST, and peruse this Treasury so that you can get a flavour of the scared with me, as every path is different.
I encourage you to follow your own path.
I am a sister to you not a guru.
I am not your saviour, but I do now how you can find one.
Psst. it is inside you.
BIG LOVE x
P.S sorry about any typo's. You know when you look at something and can't see the wood for the trees? ha.
